Unravelling the fear of being fat
In an effort to fit the mould of “skinny”, a fear of fat was born.
Have you ever had that moment, when you wake up in the morning, turn side on and look at the reflection of your stomach in the mirror, as you try to gauge if you’ve grown sideways into a fat blob overnight (raises hand & looks meekly).
Growing up with a Mum, who was constantly on a diet despite being slim, made me question my appearance. I thought my Mum looked gorgeous, much slimmer than I was and if she didn’t like how she looked, what about me?
Being fat had been ingrained as ‘bad’ from those early impressionable years.
Mum would point out bigger people with looks of disgust, whilst praise was given for looking slim. Through relentless reminders on how different I looked compared to others, the emotional programming message was, ‘don’t be fat’.
That message fuelled years of self-loathing, countless diets, health kicks, binge eating and basically an unhealthy relationship with food and myself.
I didn’t understand at the time what ‘fat’ represented to me, all I knew was I wanted to be skinny and to look good.
What I’ve discovered through lots of emotional clearing work, using kinesiology, was that I yearned for my Mother’s approval and craved for love and acceptance.
If you resonate on some level with wanting to feel loved and accepted, I encourage you to ask yourself, ‘where am I outwardly looking for acceptance, approval and love? Can I provide this to myself?’
Personally, I was always seeking validation from others about who I was. I wanted to hear the echo, “you’re ok”, “you’re loved” and “I accept who you are.”
I needed to know that my outward appearance wasn’t a score that determined how worthy I was of receiving love and acceptance. That even if I fell outside the parameters of ‘skinny’ that my childhood self had created, it would be ok, I wouldn’t be a ‘bad’ person.
Even when I did receive compliments, confirmation and validation from others about how I looked, and that it was ok to be me, it might as well have fallen on deaf ears. I needed to provide it for myself and I needed to believe it for myself.
So, I went back to visit my childhood but I walked in as the adult, the older, wiser version of me to see clearly the family patterns that had been passed down.
My mother was not to blame, she had her own cycle of trauma that hadn’t been worked through, because she didn’t have the awareness or capability to do so.
I decided that this cycle would stop with me.
I visited those dark memories filled with hurt, pain, inadequacy and the desperate need for love.
I told my little girl how beautiful and wonderful she truly was and vowed I would always be by her side, to guide her and build her up anytime she felt down.
Even now, when the fear of being fat resurfaces, I assure myself I am loved and accepted, that it’s ok to be me.
Once I slowly became more accepting of who I was, the fear slowly dissipated.
When fear isn’t at the forefront of food choices, it releases a sense of restriction over what to eat.
This labelling of good vs bad foods.
Good body vs bad body.
Moving away from the comparisons and transitioning, to allowing yourself and others to be who they are.
Here are some helpful steps to unravelling the fear of fat
Have a think about what your life would look like if you reached your desired weight and shape?
What would it look and feel like, if you reached that magical number and dress size you’ve been working so hard for.
Paint a picture in your mind of what you look like (shape, clothes, facial expression), what activities are you doing? What is your self talk?
This starts the process of figuring out what you’re really after, what your weight and shape mean to you. Write it all down.
Whatever emotion or state comes up for you such as love, acceptance, confidence in being who you are, ask yourself the following.
What ways am I showing myself <insert your emotion> eg. love, acceptance or confidence ?
What actions can I take to find this in other areas besides food?
2. Practice self-acceptance. It takes time to re-program ingrained patterns. Make it a daily practice to compliment yourself on a minimum of 1 thing a day. It could be a physical feature, like how stunning your eyes are or how well you performed an activity such as making a delicious dinner.
This process helps to focus on the positive aspects of yourself and being open to receiving.
3. Observe how your body responds for different foods. After your breakfast, lunch, dinner. Check in and notice how your energy is, do you feel tired or wired how your digestion is responding..are you bloated or, flatulent?
Make food choices based on how your body responds, eating foods that provide energy and are in alignment with your digestion.
Do you resonate with what I’ve shared here? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
With love and understanding,
Sarah x x